Couples opting for a “sleep divorce” — sleeping in separate rooms due to conflicting sleep habits — has gained attention in recent years. Yet, for many, sleeping without their partner can be unsettling. If you’re having trouble sleeping alone, you’re not alone.
Sleeping alone can be challenging, especially if you are used to the emotional connection with your partner or spouse. The presence of a partner provides a sense of security, which can ease anxiety and facilitate sleep.
Sharing a bedtime routine with a partner can also create a comforting rhythm for some, signaling to your brain that it’s time to sleep. And the warmth, weight, and sound of a partner’s breathing can create a calming atmosphere. But there are numerous reasons why partner sleeping can be more restful than the sleep divorce trend.
Physiological Benefits of Partnered Sleep
Before venturing into a lonely bed, having a partner sleep in the same bed has physiological benefits many experts point to including.
- Stress Reduction. Activities like cuddling, holding hands or having sex before sleep release oxytocin, a hormone that reduces stress and promotes relaxation.
- Reduced Screen Time. Spending time with a partner before bed often means less time on electronic devices, which can improve sleep quality.
If you find yourself struggling with loneliness or anxiety when sleeping alone, consider these tips from sleep experts:
- Mementos and Familiar Objects. Keep a photo, a recently worn shirt, or a pillow with your partner’s cologne or perfume to evoke a sense of their presence.
- Routine and Rituals. Establish a bedtime routine similar to the one with your partner to help regulate your circadian rhythms and signal sleep.
- Physical Comfort Adjustments. If sleeping with a partner causes discomfort due to different sleep habits or preferences, consider separate blankets or mattresses with varying firmness levels.
Though nothing can replace the grief felt over the loss of a loved one, Mindfulness and Grief share helpful tips to cope. A secret formula for mourning does not exist for a grieving individual since everyone experiences grief differently. But if you know a loved one who may be experiencing prolonged symptoms, these tips may help them sleep better at night.
- Exercise during the day. Taking some time to relieve stress from the body and mind can energize the rest of the day.
- Avoid caffeine and alcohol in the evening. If you limit the intake to the afternoon, your body will not metabolize the drinks during bedtime.
- Schedule regular massages to help release tension or anxiety.
- Create a sleep sanctuary. Dark curtains, oil diffusers, and cool temperature can create the ambiance needed to sleep well.
- Keep a grief journal. Journaling for grief allows you to externalize your thoughts and stories. You may also want to keep a sleep journal and pen by your bed, and write down any thoughts or sensations that are keeping you awake.
- Relax before bed leaving electronics off. Yoga, meditation, soothing music, and warm baths can help settle your day.
Managing Different Sleep Schedules
Couples with different sleep schedules often find it challenging to share a bedtime. Here’s how to navigate these differences:
- Separate Start Times. If your partner is a night owl, they could stay with you until you fall asleep, then leave the room to pursue other activities.
- Separate Blankets. Using individual blankets can solve temperature and movement issues without compromising closeness.
- Flexible Mattress Options. Consider investing in a mattress with customizable firmness or two separate mattresses pushed together for personalized comfort.
Ultimately, the key to better sleep is understanding your needs and what works for you. While some couples prefer to call and say good night, others find this increases feelings of loneliness. Experiment with different approaches and pay attention to how they affect your sleep quality and emotional well-being.
If you have tried the sleep divorce and still need help, Alaska Sleep Clinic is available for a free sleep consultation if you are searching for answers to your sleep problems.
